“Good manners cost nowt, but can put many a pahnd in tha pocket.” So goes an old northern saying, but I’m glad to say that even when I first heard it spoken, when I was a little boy in Yorkshire, I thought its reasoning was a little twisted towards self-interest.
Some of us, notably diplomats and socialites, have weaponised good manners; the more we detest somebody, the more scrupulously polite we are to them. It only those people we like who we would presume to chaff. Perhaps common courtesy is simply an extension of consideration; of doing as we would be done by, but I think there’s more to it.
We have a cat-flap in our back door to allow our cat to come and go as she pleases. But if I happen to be in the kitchen and Tamarisk wants to go out, she will disdain to use the cat-flap and wait instead for me to open the door for her, which I invariably do. Also, if I happen to see her approaching the back door from the garden, I will open it to let her in.
Tamarisk does not acknowledge these little efforts I make on her behalf, seeing my consideration as being no more than her due as a superior being, and I take pleasure in this; my courtesy is not conditional on her appreciation.
Suze and I are always careful to be kind to our kindred creatures; dogs, deer, badgers, pigs, foxes, sheep, rhinoceroses, hedgehogs, cattle, cats, wasps, goats, rabbits, etc, etc. Kindness to animals carries no conditional payload other than making us feel a little happier with ourselves, in contrast to our use of manners in our dealings with others of our species; where formal courtesy is so often a cloak, the folds of which may conceal a stiletto.
Please ‘like’ this (if you like it and you’d like to) – it’s the little ‘heart’ symbol at the top of this post. If you don’t see the little heart symbol, just click on the heading, it takes you to the Geoff’s Joust website where you can like the post, and where previous jousts can be read and laughed at. It would also be great if you could share it.
As a proud Yorkshireman I can honestly say that I thought the expression began and ended with “Good manners cost nowt”. Maybe those is learnt it from shared your concerns about the remainder of the saying.
Over the years I’ve often heard people say “It’s when I’m nice to you you need to worry” which does tend to support your argument about good manners being used as a carapace to keep out those we don’t know or trust.
Personally, my view on manners is similar to my view on dressing ‘appropriately’. Everyone has the right to dress (or behave) as they want, but they then they must accept that others have the right to respond to that as they want. Dress or behave like a yob and be expected to be treated like one.
Consideration is the precursor to indifference, I have considered the science behind Global Warming but i have found that i am totally indifferent to the fact, I suppose i am a bit like the other six billion of my species!